


Stand by my love

by MissMandalore



Series: Fox Murphy [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Flashbacks, Romance, Spy drama, impossible love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-07-18 15:55:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7321438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMandalore/pseuds/MissMandalore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fox is back with the rebels after spying on the Empire. But that also means having left behind the man she loved. Unknown to her, the spark of the rebellion starts to glow in the most unlikely heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Missing you

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: I wrote this while listening to “Dark Paradise” so the beginning is a little bit angsty^^  
> Also this is the first fic I wrote in a very long time

The mattress was too soft.  
My bunk onboard the Ghost felt familiar but it did not feel like… home…  
Before I went on an undercover mission to infiltrate the Empire, I had been a member of the crew, a part of the family. Although the others still saw me as that, I wasn’t so sure anymore.  
My time with the Empire had been tough. I had seen things beyond belief. Risked my life multiple times. Seduced a superior agent…  
It’s been unprofessional, maybe even stupid. But I didn’t have a choice…  
From the first day on, he seemed to watch my every move, impeding my mission. Seducing him had not been my… intention. The first kiss we shared could not have been more inappropriate.  
And though, now that he was gone, I longed for him.  
I did not know when my feelings had changed, when the acting, the faked passion, had been replaced by desire. All I knew was that I loved him. I truly loved him and it terrified me.  
If I ever got to see him again, it would most likely be on the battlefield.  
He was our enemy.  
And yet I yearned to hold him in my arms again. To hear him breathing in his sleep, feel his heartbeat, run my fingers through his soft, gorgeous hair…  
I missed the way he used to smile, a loving, heartwarming smile that had been reserved for me. I missed the nights we talked until we both fell asleep. I missed his kisses. The long, longing kisses in private as much as the little pecks during shifts when he was sure no one could see. I missed how he used to stroke my back when I was about to fall asleep. His comforting warmth during the nights.  
My fingers grasped the cold empty sheets where he should be lying, sleeping with this innocent smile on his lips…  
The tears came before I had a chance to hold them back.  
I was all alone now….

When I woke up in the morning, my eyes were burning.  
Had I really cried myself to sleep? Over a man?  
I sighed and heaved my body out of the bunk. My back was aching from the soft mattress.  
Barefoot I went over to the closet and put on some pants when I heard a knock on the door.  
“Come in” I mumbled, not sure whether it was even loud enough for whoever stood out there to hear.  
The door slid open, revealing the familiar frame of Kanan Jarrus against the bright hallway.  
I blinked, slowly adapting to the sudden light.  
“You look horrible” Kanan stated before he stepped inside.  
“Thanks, you too” I grumbled and sat back on my bed.  
“How I missed your charming self in the morning” he chuckled.  
He sat beside me and gave me this glance, curious yet caring. It were moments like this, looks like this, that reminded me that after all he was still a Jedi.  
“Did you find some sleep?”  
I leaned back and nodded.  
“Yeah…My back is killing me by the way… Did you know how soft your mattresses are, compared to those the Imperials got?”  
Kanan gave me a tired smile.  
“That’s not everything isn’t it?”  
It took me a moment to answer this question.  
What could I tell him?  
He would not understand… My feelings for him… for Kallus…  
“The informations you were able to provide have saved many lives. We have to thank you for that. Everyone has to thank you.”  
I hushed. His words felt empty…  
Regardless of how many I saved, my heart still longed for a man who would not hesitate to kill twice as much. I knew it was true….  
And yet I could not hate him.  
Still, I felt like there was hope. He wasn’t entirely evil…  
There was good in him, buried deeply, but I knew it was there…  
“Look…” Kanan started another attempt to pull me into a conversation.  
“I know… we know something has happened to you. It certainly wasn’t easy to get your hands on all these informations. We just wanted you to know… We are your family. If there is something you want to talk about…”  
“The question’s not whether I want to talk about something. I just think I need some time to… sort out certain priorities.”  
Kanan frowned.  
“What does that mean?”  
I sighed and tried to remain a serious attitude although my voice was shaking.  
“Your Jedi Masters would have called it a… an emotional attachment I suppose.”  
If the situation had not been that serious, it would have been funny to see Kanan’s expression slowly fading. One did not have to be a Jedi to know what he was thinking.  
“Before you start judging me, please let me at least… well, explain… Agent Kallus… He was not convinced of my loyalty towards the Empire from the very second on I set foot on one of their Stardestroyers. So he kept his eye on me, watched me, followed me… It endangered the mission and had to stop. Killing him would have been the easiest way but I decided to use my seduction skills instead. More subtle. Also, it increased the chances to get my hands on the required informations. It was surprisingly easy to be honest… Long story short, I realized that… despite his actions in the past… he is not… evil. He’s like us. The Empire forced him into a role, the same as it did with us. I don’t talk like this because I love him. But I am convinced that there is only one major difference between us. We grew up with the Empire as our enemy while he was literally raised by them. Chasing us was the first mission he got to lead. He was so… proud, blinded… Yet he started to doubt what he used to believe. He’s not… lost… And I… I fell in love with this man…”  
The silence that followed my words felt awkward but I what else should I have expected?  
I did not only fall in love with an imperial agent, I fell in love with the man whose duty it was to hunt us down. Every single one of us. Including myself.  
Kanan hadn’t interrupted me. He never interrupted anyone. But now… this silence was different than everything I had experienced with him.  
“Please… Just say something…” I whispered after what felt like an eternity.  
He sighed, obviously searching for the right words to say.  
My words had hurt him, so much was clear. And I couldn’t blame him for that. It certainly must have been a shock to hear all this from me, his friend, someone he trusted.  
It took him a while to speak up and when he did, his voice was shaking a little.  
“I don’t know what to say…”  
It was hard to tell if he was angry or disappointed. But to be honest, I didn’t really care. Everything was better than this… silence…  
“Look, I can’t tell you how to feel but… Kallus?! Are you being serious?! Out of all the men in the entire galaxy, you chose Kallus?!”  
I winced.  
He had never shouted at me before. But even though I felt like this was his right, after all it’s been me who had hooked up with Kallus, it made me a little angry.  
“Yes” I hissed.  
“Yes, I chose Kallus. And you know what Kanan Jarrus? I would do it again.”  
With those words I stood up and left the room. I certainly wasn’t in the mood for a Jedi to judge my feelings. A Jedi who couldn’t even handle his own…

Tbc.


	2. Chapter 2

The next couple days I started to avoid the other members of the Ghost crew.   
My involvement with Kallus was an open secret.   
I could barely stand the narrowness of the ship, having the others around me every waking moment, except when I locked myself away. As if it didn't hurt enough to have lost the man I loved, my own friends, my family, were now judging me for my feelings. And yet I could not deny them.   
No matter how many imperials we fought, how many ships we destroyed, how many troops we killed, my feelings for their Leader remained. During every battle I was looking for him but he seemed nowhere to be found.   
What if they had done something to him after I left?   
What if they thought that he was a renegade too and locked him away?   
Killed him...   
No!   
The imperials would not kill one of their best agents.   
Although...   
They already gave up on him once...   
With horror I remembered the day when I had to watch his signal vanish over Bahryn and couldn't do anything to help him. The Empire had not even bothered to test for life signals...   
But would they really... do something to him because of me?   
I was a no one, a freaking no one and if I wasn't all stupid, my death should have been believable. Though I couldn't help but worry...   
I loved this man. If something happened to him because of the things I did...   
My activities had been uncovered. Maybe they thought he had helped me to steal the informations...   
No one survived an imperial trial for treason.   
But what should I do?   
What could I do?   
My alias was dead and my face branded as the face of a traitor. I could not go back for him... 

 

Six months prior

There was no going back.   
I bit my lip, unsure whether I had made the right decision. If this didn't work out, I was fucked.   
Until now I had managed to seduce everyone but this one was... different...   
Imperial agents weren't usually my target of choice. Especially not if they were working on hunting down my friends. But after all I had to get him off my track. If I could make him fall in love with me, he'd be more willing to look over any irregularities, which was a necessity if I wanted to steal imperial intelligence. Even better, if I could get into his quarters regularly that way, I had access to information way more valuable than previously thought.   
If this only worked out...   
Seducing someone was always a risk. A risk I wasn't really willing to take around here to be completely honest. But what choice did I have?   
I took a deep breath and recalled my alibi.   
My name was D'Aleah Fenn. I was born and raised on Corellia. My parents died in the Clone Wars. Before the imperial secret service recruited me during an ambush on the rebellious planet Ryloth, I had been a mercenary. Now I worked together with Agent Kallus to track down a rebel cell which was known for being involved with the last Jedi.   
I was loyal to the Empire.   
The door in front of me swung open and I found myself staring at a broad chest. Under different circumstances I might have found Kallus attractive but right now...   
He was intimidating...   
What again made me think of this as a good idea?   
Kallus seemed surprised to see me.   
"Agent Fenn?" he asked and examined my face.   
"It's a little late for work, isn't it?"   
I cracked a seducing smile.   
This had to work out...   
"I could ask you the same, Agent Kallus"   
He stepped out of my way so I could enter the operation room. Maps flickered on screens, showing different sections of the Galaxy. Green dots blinked where rebels had been seen. Red dots where they had been fought.   
He must have added a few since I had last seen them.   
Uncertified activities.   
I swallowed hard. Kallus was better than I had expected him to be. Although I knew some of the sightings to not have anything to do with my friends, the vast majority had.   
It would be anything but easy to steal information under his command, let alone get him off track.   
"What do you hope to find at the... Moreau system?"   
Kallus cleared his throat and came closer.   
"It's strategically important. Neutral ground. We can't lead an assault there, not officially at least. So it's a potential hiding spot, dangerously close to the core."  
I sighed.   
"You don't think about anything else, do you?"  
He crossed his arms and leaned against one of the panels.   
"I'm doing my job Agent Fenn. If you have a problem with that..."  
I raised my hands, cracking another smile.   
"That was no criticism"   
My words seemed to catch Kallus off guard.   
"Oh..." he mumbled, dodging my glance. Was there a slight blush creeping on his face?  
"Not everyone wants to harm you, you know...?"   
With those words I put down my hands and stepped a little closer into him. He was so incredibly tall, I needed to tilt back my head to look at him.   
What if I misread the signs? What if he did not like me, at least nor like that? What if it was too early?   
I could not afford to embarrass myself...   
"You should fix your attitude... Agent Kallus..."   
We stood very close now. Kallus seemed a little uneasy but not unpleased.   
"I am sorry Agent Fenn" he mumbled, his eyes fixed on my lips.   
"That was unprofessional..."   
I chuckled.   
"If that's already unprofessional with you..."  
My words were cut off by his lips crushing onto mine. Soft, warm, so different from what I had imagined...   
Kallus pulled me closer and I buried my hands in his hair.   
His kiss caught me completely off guard. I had not expected him to make the first move, but I definitely wasn't complaining.   
When the kiss broke, only a second later, he left me completely breathless.   
"Now... That was unprofessional."


	3. Loyalties

Loyalties

 

Again and again I punched the old dummy I kept in my room. Officially it was meant for training purpose. For me it only served to blow off some steam.   
Every single minute spent on this ship made me angrier.   
I felt like I some cruel sort of curiosity. That stupid, little, naïve girl who hooked up with an imperial agent. The girl who couldn't resist sleeping with the enemy.   
But so what?   
I wasn't anyone's belonging. I could do whatever the f**k I wanted. And I certainly wasn't marked or something because...   
"Yo kid, careful!"  
I winced at the sudden interruption.   
Zeb leaned at the door to my room, arms crossed over his broad chest.   
"What's wrong?"   
He wouldn't seek me out of there wasn't a reason. But he just frowned.   
"Wrong? A lot's wrong, beginning with the Empire."  
I sighed and stroke back my hair.   
"You know, If you want to judge me, judge me. But keep it to yourself, ok?"  
Being rude wasn't actually my most prominent trait but I couldn't stand the thought of getting called out for my feelings again. Did they really think I didn't know what Kal did? Did they really think I didn't know who he was?   
But Zeb didn't seem to be bothered by my harsh words. He just threw a bottle of water at me and closed the door behind him.   
"The others are giving you a hard time, eh?"   
I caught the bottle.   
Where was the 'you should not have done that' part?   
"Yeah... As long as we don't know where our information comes from... Everything's fine. But God forgive the poor spy that's done with playing around with people."   
One last time I punched the dummy before motioning at my bed.   
"Have a seat"   
He shrugged and sat down while I leaned against the wall, still too angry to sit down.   
"Look kid, I don't want to judge you, I want to talk to you. Warrior to warrior?"   
I cracked a smile, not sure where this was leading to.   
"Sure."  
He cleared his throat.   
This was going to be interesting...   
"You know, about two months ago or something, we ran into a trap on a space station over Geonosis. Your boyfriend and I ended up in the same escape pod. I learned to know him. And I learned to respect him. As a warrior and as a man. Maybe, in another life, I could have called him a friend. I just wanted to let you know that I know what you mean when you say that Kallus is a good man."  
Zeb's words were followed by silence.   
I didn't know what to say.   
I had known about the episode on Bahryn, one of the many things that assured my in my feelings. But to hear from Zeb out of everyone that I wasn't wrong was... astonishing.  
My anger was gone completely.   
"You alright kid?"  
I nodded and sat down.   
"Yeah... It's just... Kal... he said the same about you"   
Zeb snorted.   
"What?"  
I looked up to him, wondering how to interpret his reaction.   
"He told me. About that night on Bahryn"

 

Two months prior

I hesitated a little to open the door. It was late in the night, he was probably asleep by now...   
If I had only known about his return earlier... But no one had deemed it necessary to inform me. Apparently he was as important to the Empire as I was.   
Although I knew that my feelings for Kal were wrong I couldn't help but feel angry. The Empire treated him like a droid. Like he was replaceable. I knew they did that with everyone, that this wasn't some special case, although my anger remained.   
I hated to admit it to myself but I loved this man. I couldn't bear to loose him again...   
Before I could knock, the door was opened from the inside.   
Kal stood right in front of me, seemingly surprised to find someone there.   
"D'Aleah?" he asked but I had already slung my arms around his neck.   
He was here... He was alive...   
"I'm so sorry I didn't make it earlier.." I whispered, close to bursting into tears.   
"I didn't know... No one told me you were back... I was so worried..."   
He pulled me into his room and closed the door behind us. It was dark now, only a little yellow rock was lonely glowing on the bed.   
"What..."   
Kal shut me up with a passionate kiss.   
I forgot what I was about to say. Nothing else mattered. Only him... 

Later that night I was slowly drifting in and out of sleep. Kal's heat was comforting but he seemed unsettled. Every time I woke up he was already awake, either watching me or staring at the ceiling.   
"Kal..." I mumbled after I had watched him myself for a while.   
He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead.   
"Please don't ever leave me D'Aleah..." he whispered.   
I swallowed hard.   
I didn't want to leave him... But...   
"What happened down there Kal?"  
He sighed, staring at the ceiling again.   
"Have you ever thought about... ever considered... that we might not do the right thing?"  
I frowned, not sure whether he had really said those words or if I was just too tired for this kind of conversation.   
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean... Have you ever thought about the possibility that those rebels... could be not as wrong as we like to think?"   
Now that was a turn of events.   
"Kal... That is treason..."   
He nodded.   
"I know... D'Aleah... Please, I know I can trust you..."  
Oh no...   
I swallowed hard again. He didn't know what he was talking about... He couldn't trust me... I was the last person he could trust...   
I was a disgusting little spy that had been using him...   
"I met one of them. Orellios, the Lasat. We were stuck on Bahryn and... we talked. A lot... He's... a good man. He could have killed me but... he saved my life"  
"And now you can't get rid of the thought of what would be if you were on the same side?"  
Kal nodded slowly.   
"He wasn't wrong you know... There are many things..."  
"Many things that are wrong within the Empire?" I dared to guess.   
Kal hushed.   
For a moment I already feared that I could have gone too far but then he nodded again.   
"Yes..."


	4. Casualties

Chapter 4 Casualties

 

The weeks passed and passed. We fought. We lost.   
And even the little triumph of finding a base for our fleet was clouded by the loss of so much more.   
Ahsoka...   
Our greatest hope, my closest friend... She was gone...   
I did not want to believe it. I could not accept her... death?   
She had been so strong, so powerful, after everything that had happened to her. How could she be amongst the Fallen?   
It was impossible!   
But still, it was the undeniable truth. No matter how hard I denied it, she was gone after all.   
The only silver lining was Kanan. After Malachor, we grew closer again. It didn't feel like before and I guessed that it would never ever feel like before again. The trust, it all needed to be built up again, but he had given me a second chance. That was all that mattered.   
But not even that couldn't outweigh the changes that Ezra went through.   
He wouldn't admit it, but he wasn't my blueberry anymore. Even I, not Force sensitive at all, could feel that the kid he once was was gone.   
Left behind on Malachor. Together with Ahsoka...   
Hera was even more dedicated to our fight than before. All the feelings she suppressed, everything she had buried so deep underneath her pretty skin only seemed to fuel her will to defeat the Empire.   
And Sabine...   
I couldn't tell why, but we grew apart. Maybe it was because of my feelings for Kal, maybe because that was how she dealt with stress. Locking herself away so no one could do her any harm. But then she was always shooting me those glances, sad, hurt, those did not fit into any of these scenarios. And every time I tried to have a word with her, she disappeared into the void.   
It made me sad.   
Before my undercover mission we had been like sisters. According to Hera, Sabine had never opened up to anyone before like she had to me. Where was all that gone?   
She seemed like a stranger now...   
I started spending more and more time together with Rex and Zeb. After everything that had happened those two were steady rocks in a stormy ocean. Although I saw Rex suffering from the loss of Ahsoka.   
And yet, she had left behind so much more than just an empty spot in our hearts.   
Hope was not lost. Not for me.   
If I could believe Ezra's words, Vader had been intimidated by her. Maybe even reminded of the days he had been called by a different name..   
The dark side was not... ultimate. Maybe there was hope left for us...   
I couldn't tell.   
Still, my thoughts wandered off to Kal way too often.   
He stayed hidden and I wondered whether this was a good sign or not. I didn't need to face him on the battlefield, yes. But what if he really got into trouble because of me?   
The mere thought of it made me sick.   
I missed him so much...   
It was then, when I was about to lose it all, that my hopes got a hold of me again.   
A single message on one of my old imperial frequencies. It only contained a few words but those were enough to get my heart racing.   
"I know of some cadets in the imperial academy that wish to defect to the rebels"  
Kal...   
His voice was alienated but it definitely was his accent, his pattern of speech!   
I couldn't help but cry tears of joy when I was back in my quarters again that evening. He was alive!   
Alive and apparently not so loyal to his precious Empire anymore... 

 

Six weeks prior

The ice beneath my feet began to crack. D'Aleah Fenn was slowly breaking apart.   
My alias had served me very well but I knew that her time was about to come. Sooner or later someone would manage to track my activities back to me. I needed to bring this mission to an end as soon as possible.   
But there still was Kal...   
I sighed and let myself fall onto my bed.   
This man...   
My feelings were about to get out of hand. How could I have allowed myself to fall in love with him?   
It wasn't the first time I had used my seduction skills but it definitely was the first time that I was affected by my opponent too...   
I didn't want to leave him...  
Time was running out. It was my life that was at stake, damn it! My life and the whole rebellion! I couldn't afford to follow my heart!   
As fast as I could I hopped off the bed again and started to search through my few belongings.   
Nothing I needed. Nothing that could possibly lead to the rebellion.   
I had faked my death countless times before. The secret was to avoid an investigation that could dismantle the alias. So this time that meant: my death needed to be as obvious as possible. And it also meant that I had to assure Kal of it...   
Preferably without getting my friends involved. He was too close already, I did not need to give him another reason to track us down. Another reason to hate the rebellion...   
But how was I supposed to assure the man I loved of my death?   
Would a simple accident be enough?   
Or did I need to pull a much larger trick out of my sleeve?   
Anyway, I had to decide fast and get moving as long as I was still able to continue my charade. The Empire was much harder to play than the Hutt Cartel or any other criminal organization I had infiltrated before.   
Probably the best option would be to...   
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts.   
No...  
Not now...   
"Yes" I said, hoping that whoever stood out there didn't realize the nervousness in my voice.   
The door opened with a hiss. Almost immediately I felt a menacing shiver running down my spine. The whole room echoed from heavy mechanical breathing.   
No, no, no!!!   
I took a deep breath and turned around, desperately trying to remain a serious attitude.   
"Lord Vader"


	5. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think the title speaks for itself^^

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for taking my time with this chapter, but to everyone who is still reading this story, thank you so much, it really means a lot <3

Chapter five. Goodbye

 

Six weeks prior

Lord Vader stood behind Kal, who stared at me with a look that felt like a thousand daggers piercing through my heart. He was afraid...   
"Agent Fenn" Vader breathed as he entered my room.   
"I need a private word with you"   
It took me everything not to break.   
Lord Vader.   
Standing in my private quarters.   
My boyfriend beside him.   
The man I desperately wished to not learn about the true nature of our relationship.   
"Of course" I said frowning and motioned for him to make himself comfortable.   
Kal stepped inside the room too, before closing the door.   
I desperately tried to remind myself of everything I had learned from Kanan. How to control my mind. How to shut out a Force-user.   
My head... it was so full of knowledge I couldn't afford to let fall to our enemy. Knowledge about the rebellion, Kanan, Ahsoka....   
The fact that I couldn't see Vader's face, not see his reactions to my words, not read his face, made me incredibly nervous. He could not be played...   
"You both have proved yourselves as highly valuable to the Empire's plans" Vader begun.   
I frowned and shot a questioning glance over to Kal, who avoided to look at me.   
Where was this leading to?  
"As you know, rebel activities have doubled during the last weeks. The Emperor is not pleased with this, as it disturbs the peace in the Galaxy."  
Peace? I snorted internally. What peace was he talking about?   
"I suspect that there is a weak point in our system."   
My jaw dropped. Lord Vader himself told me that there was a weakness within the Empire? The Emperors right hand admitted failure?   
This surprised me so much, I nearly forgot what it meant.   
Someone was about to get a hold of me. If not already...   
I couldn't breathe...   
The weak spot stood right in front of him. Did he know it?   
Why else should he have come here....   
"Since we can't risk that any knowledge about this sparks through the lower ranks, I have chosen the two of you to locate and eliminate the spy. Subtly."   
What?   
My thoughts were racing.   
I was Vader's chosen one to eliminate myself?   
Now that was a turn of events...  
"Is that understood?" Vader asked in a voice that did not allow protest.   
I took a deep breath and tried desperately to remain a serious attitude.   
"That... of course my Lord. It is an honour to be... deemed... to have your trust in our loyalty. I... We will not disappoint you."   
Silently I thanked everyone and everything that had made me what I was. My training was the only thing that kept me alive right now. I knew what to do, how to behave, how to talk to keep myself alive.   
But what to think... that was something very different...   
Suddenly I was painfully aware of the chaos I had just caused a few minutes ago, before both men had entered. And Vader seemed to be aware of it too...   
"Did you... misplace something, Agent Fenn?" he asked and although I knew that it was impossible, I felt like his voice was sharper now. Like he had sensed...  
I swallowed hard.   
"Just... I was looking for... it's nothing my Lord. Nothing I would bother you with"   
As half expected, Vader did not seem to loose interest.   
He stared at me and I noticed a familiar feeling, like a ghostly hand touching my temple. It was the same feeling I had got when I training with Kanan to keep my mind from a Force-user.   
I pressed my lips together, desperately trying to focus on something.   
"What are you hiding Agent Fenn?" Vader hissed and before I could do anything I felt a strong hand gripping my throat but there was no hand.   
Kal lunged forward, trying to keep his voice calm.   
"My Lord Vader, please..."   
But Vader ignored his pleading.   
I desperately tried not to start panicking. My whole body screamed when I was lifted up by the neck, just as high so I couldn't reach the floor with my tiptoes.   
Kal's voice, Vader trying to get into my head, I needed oxygen...   
I couldn't keep this up any longer...   
The moment Vader broke through my walls I could only think about one thing.   
Kal...   
I loved him so much...   
And he was my only hope.   
I focused on everything, every memory involving him. The first time I saw him, how intimidated I had felt, how attracted I had been to him.   
My sight blurred.   
Our first kiss, how his hair felt between my fingers, his beard brushing over my neck when he drove me crazy. How worried I had been when he went missing, how glad to hold him in my arms again. How much I loved his deep voice. His smile. His laugh...  
Suddenly the grip on my neck vanished.   
I fell into strong arms. Kal's arms...   
My neck hurt but I took deep breaths nonetheless.   
Why did Vader let me go?   
I looked up to him, afraid. Even if I did blind him...   
Relationships were forbidden. Him knowing about us... it was the better choice but...   
But to my surprise Vader didn't seem angry, at least as far as I could judge it. He rather seemed... sad?   
When he spoke up, his tone was lower, weaker than before.   
"I understand Agents"   
Kal pressed my body against his and stared at Vader with a mixture of shock, surprise and... was that hate?   
"What's that really necessary my Lord?" he asked in a tone I had never heard before.   
Vader straightened himself as if to assure us of his supremacy.   
"I expect respect Agent Kallus. And now..."  
He passed us and motioned to the door, which slid open with a hiss.   
"You better catch the traitor or I won't be lenient with your disobedience of Imperial Orders." 

The second Vader left the room Kal picked me up in his arms and sat us on the bed.   
"Are you alright?" he asked softly, gently running his fingers through my hair.   
I nodded.   
"Yeah..."   
I felt horrible. Despite the fact the Vader hadn't killed any of us, I had willingly put Kal in danger by using our relationship as a shield for my secrets... it being for the greater good didn't really help me feel better. When did I become this cold?   
Kal trusted me with his life... I owed him the truth, didn't I?   
But what a truth that was...   
D'Aleah had reached the end of her life span. With Vader glued to our heels...   
"Kal..."   
I couldn't look him in the eyes. I couldn't...   
My shoulders dropped.   
There was no use in keeping up this game any longer. The only thing I could do was to save Kal...   
I took a deep breath and kissed him with everything I had. Passionate, loving, a real kiss...   
When we broke apart, he was left breathless, his hands gripping my waist tightly.   
"What was that for?" he asked slightly confused but still smiling. It broke my heart...   
"I... I need to tell you something you won't like..."   
Kal raised an eyebrow but didn't bother to loosen his grip.   
"D'Aleah, you can tell me everything, you know that."   
I shook my head.   
My eyes were burning, it was only a matter of time until tears would start running down my cheeks.   
"I am not the woman you think I am."   
"What..."  
"Please... let me..."   
I sighed.   
Why was this so damn hard?   
"Remember the first time we met?"   
Kal nodded slowly.   
"Of course I remember"  
"Well... You didn't trust me back then"  
"I was wrong" he said, as if he tried to apologise for it.   
My heart felt like it was about to burst into a million pieces. But there was no going back...   
"No..." I whispered, my voice husky, desperately trying to hold back the tears.   
"You were right... the spy Vader was talking about... It’s me. I am the traitor we're supposed to find. It’s been me the entire time..."   
It was impossible for me to tell if Kal had realised what I just said.   
The loving, caring expression on his face faded but not entirely.   
"D'Aleah, this... this is not funny, I..."   
I cut him off by kissing him again.   
"I love you Kal. And I want you to be safe. That's why I'm telling you the truth. If you... if you still feel... if you ever loved me too, then please..."   
"You love me?" he hissed, now obviously hurt.   
I sighed, wanting to bury my hands in my face but Kal grabbed my wrists, forcing me to look at him.   
The anger in his eyes scared me.   
I couldn't hold back the tears any longer.   
"Yes..." I whispered.   
"That's why I'm telling you... I've put you in danger..."  
Kal growled.   
I winced, but he just let go of my wrists before he stood up and took a deep breath.   
"How... how did Vader not notice"   
I frowned.   
"What?"  
Kal turned around, obviously troubled to keep himself together.   
"If you are the spy he wanted us to find, then why didn't he notice when he read your thoughts?"   
"I..."   
The question caught me completely off guard.   
I told him that I was a spy and he wanted to know about how I kept my thoughts from Vader?  
"I focused on you..." I whispered after a moment.   
Kal didn't respond immediately but his anger seemed to calm a little.   
"You... tricked him into... into believing you're just hiding a relationship?"   
I sighed, stood up and reached to brush my thumb over his cheek. Kal couldn't help gut lean into my touch.   
"I protected my secrets, my life, with the strongest feelings there are..."   
"But why... why are you telling me all this?"   
"Because..."   
My heart was aching, there was no going back... this was goodbye...   
"I love you... and I want you to report me. You'll be save, maybe even get a promotion..."  
Kal grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little too hard.   
"Are you mad? You think I'll report you and watch calmly as they'll execute you?"   
"I'd rather want to be executed than responsible for getting you into trouble!" I shouted.   
He hushed, staring at me in disbelief.   
"Anyway, I'm not going to die today. Report me and..."   
"No"  
I sighed.   
"D'Aleah..."  
"That's not my name" I said coldly.   
"You don't know me. You don't know anything about me. And now... there is something I need to take care of."  
I brushed my thumb across his cheek for one last time.   
"Goodbye my love..."  
Then I turned away, not even trying to hold back my tears.


End file.
